a CEO walks into his office “any messages?” he asks his assistant “two anons want to know who tom petty is and one just says ‘post your ballsack’” “got it. check my dashboard” “that skeleton gif you like is back again” he rubs his chin pensively “mm. reblog that”
this is what i imagine david karp does with his time considering that tumblr hasn’t been improved for about three odd years
My ireland native father once told me that the first time he ever saw people use water for hot chocolate was when he came to america, and said that it was then that he “knew this country was doomed”
ive made a lot of posts that i honestly hate once they started making notes but this one has absolutely taken the cake of “man i really wish i didn’t make this post” because you dont realize how dumb people get when you start food discourse.
however it was definitely a learning experience. for example here’s some things I learned:
-many people who make hot chocolate with water saw this post and somehow thought that my dad literally thinks they’re the doom of modern america and that this out of text quote from a man they never met was personally directed at them.
-Some people literally had never even had the thought of using milk for hot chocolate. literally flabbergasted. ive had people reply, send asks and even DM in multiple variations of “if it not water than what the else?”. Had one dude actually thank me for introducing the concept of milk for hot chocolate. wild.
-There are just some fucking geniuses on this site. So many inanely smart people hitting me up with things like “ummm OP have you ever heard of… lactose intolerance????” and “maybe some people… can’t afford milk?” I never possibly thought of any of that. man i hope yall felt super smart after that. shame yall couldn’t spend some of that riveting world knowledge on googling “lactose intolerant milk alternatives.” the world will never discover what almond milk is.
-some shit about the difference between hot chocolate and hot cocoa holy god i cannot care
-fungi fucker is something you can call people.
-apparently i should just do whatever the fuck the aztecs/mayans did. obviously the optimal thing to do in the year 2017 is to emulate empires that fell in the 16-17th century. as you can guess the aztecs/mayans used water for their chocolate beverages. some people also liked to remind me cows and therefore milk were basically unavailable in their part of the world during these time peroids, thus forcing them to use water for their chocolate beverages and despite them knowing this they still use water for their hot chocolate. These people are very smart.
-it is acceptable human behavior to send anonymous messages to people telling their dad to “simmer down” over chocolate based beverages.
butter.
fucking butter.
i hate this post man there’s some guy in these replies who uses potato starch in hot chocolate stop reblogging it
My land lady is a 90lb 88 year old woman with 5 full grown Rottweiler boys. They sit around her when she gardens and watch her like the secret service. If you show up to pay rent they all stand up and stand between you and her.
It’s intimidating to have 5 pony size boys all staring at you until she stands up realizes it’a you and walks to you.
My favorite part is she wades through them like swamp water saying in her cute old voice ‘move’ ‘move please’ and each one she nudges to move wags his whole body at her touch and stumbles out of the way like he’s been knocked over by a truck. It gives me life paying my rent.
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