Shout out to my Arabic teacher that looked at us yesterday mid-lesson and said, “I’m worried. You all look exhausted and depressed.”
Of course we were all like, “Oh yeah we’re dead inside, you haven’t noticed?”
And he snapped shut the textbook, threw up his hands and said, “That’s not healthy! No more vocab! Time for dancing!”
And he taught us a dance from Iraq and we danced instead of doing vocab. We didn’t stop dancing until he saw all of us laughing and was satisfied that we were all feeling better. It was perhaps the coolest, most kind-hearted thing I’ve ever seen a college instructor do.
When I’m super turned-on I can say the filthiest fucking things without even thinking about it but otherwise irl I am so fucking shy I can’t even tell my husband I want to fuck
no seriously
like when he was just my boyfriend and he was visiting me from long-distance, I was like “damn he’s hot” but rather than say that I decided the best way to convey that I was dtf was to come up behind him and reach around and grab his dick
and like any sensible person he was like “why are you grabbing my dick”
and at that point I suddenly remember that I am a shy useless sack of shit and then I am torn because on the one hand I still want to fuck but on the other hand I kind of want to pretend I never thought this was a good idea
so my compromise is to just say “I’m not”
WITH MY HAND STILL ON HIS DICK
so again like any sensible person he’s like “okay well then who is grabbing my dick”
AND I PANICKED
AND SAID
“IT’S A GHOOOooooOOOOoooOOOST”
AND JIGGLED MY HAND LIKE I WAS WEARING A SHEET AND FLOATING THROUGH THE AIR
AND HE LEFT THE ROOM AND EIGHT YEARS LATER MARRIED ME FOR SOME FUCKING REASON
#HE STILL HAS NOT LET ME LIVE THIS DOWN #IF I GRAB HIS DICK HE SCREAMS THAT THE HOUSE IS HAUNTED
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